Football at the stadium

What it is

A real match, five a side, played by ear. The ball lives on the server, so everybody hears the same ball in the same place at the same moment. Nothing about it is decided on your own machine, which is why nobody can cheat it.

The pitch

Eighty by eighty of synthetic turf. Wooden boards run along the two touchlines, so a ball hit that way comes back off them and you hear it. Behind each goal there is a goal line, and there the ball CAN go out.

The home side defend the west goal, the away side the east goal. Both goal mouths sit between y thirty eight and y forty four. The centre spot is at forty one, forty one. There are penalty spots at x fourteen and x sixty eight.

Running on the pitch costs you no energy. A match is ninety minutes of running in a few minutes of real time; you are not meant to arrive exhausted.

Every part of the pitch has a name, so walking tells you where you are: the centre circle, the home half, the away half, the middle of the pitch, both penalty areas, both touchlines and all four corners.

The ends do not change at half time. The goal you attack stays the same for the whole match, so what your ears learn in the first half still holds in the second.

Hearing the game

The ball has a looping sound of its own. The faster it is travelling, the higher it sounds, so you can hear a hard shot coming.

Each goal has its own marker tone, one for the west goal and one for the east, repeating quietly so you always know which way you are facing.

Kicks, passes, blocks, the boards, the posts, the net, the whistle and the save all have their own sound, and every one of them plays at the spot where it happened.

When somebody gets the ball, a call goes up from where they are standing.

Clubs: a squad, not a free-for-all

A match is played between two clubs. A club is a football side with a squad, and you can belong to one club at a time.

Anybody can start a club from the stadium menu, under football clubs. Whoever starts it wears the armband and is the captain.

Only the captain invites players, and an invitation has to be accepted, so nobody is put in a squad without agreeing to it. A squad holds up to twelve players.

The captain can take a player out, hand the armband to somebody else, rename the club or disband it. Leaving is always your own choice; a captain who is alone in the squad disbands the club by leaving.

When a match is set up, the organiser chooses the two clubs. Only players of those two clubs can take the pitch, and you always play for your own club; you do not choose a side. Anybody else in the stadium can watch from the touchline.

If a side is already full when you arrive, you go on the bench and come on by yourself as soon as a place opens.

There is still a friendly kickabout option with no clubs at all, and in that one anybody may join either side. It has to be chosen on purpose.

The result goes onto both clubs' records and into the league table: three points for a win, one for a draw, then goal difference, then goals scored.

What does not come onto the pitch

Animals do not. A pet waits outside the stadium and comes back to you when you leave, the same as it does at somebody else's house. A ball you cannot hear is not a game.

Cars and motorcycles cannot be driven into the stadium.

Night zombies never appear on the pitch.

Your bag will not open there and nothing in your hands can be used.

Getting in

Open the game menu and choose the stadium. It is also in Village life. From there you can go to the stadium, join a team, watch from the touchline, or set up a match of your own.

Setting up a match makes you the organiser. The organiser runs the match without needing to be a member of staff.

The keys on the pitch

F shoots. Hold F down to load the shot; the longer you hold it, the harder you hit it.

G passes.

B tells you where the ball is, which goal you are attacking, the score and how long is left.

C calls for the ball, so your own side hears you asking for it.

While you are on the pitch these keys belong to football alone, and nothing else happens when you press them.

Typed commands

/ball join, /ball leave, /ball where, /ball kick 80, /ball pass 40, /ball call, /ball teams, /ball score, /ball keeper, /ball bench, /ball stats.

The rules of the match

Two halves. Seven minutes each by default, and the organiser can change it. Thirty seconds of rest at half time, and substitutions can be made during the break.

Up to five a side. If both sides are full when you join, you go on the bench, and you come on by yourself as soon as a place opens.

If a match is level at full time it goes to three minutes of extra time and the first goal wins it. The organiser can turn that off.

The clock is called out for you: every minute, then one minute left, then thirty seconds left.

Anyone who wanders off the pitch during play is taken off after fifteen seconds and the next substitute comes on in their place.

Going in goal

Each side can put one player in goal. Choose it from the stadium menu or type /ball keeper. A keeper standing in front of their own goal stops a ball coming at it, the save is heard by everybody, and play restarts from the goal.

Out of play, corners and goal kicks

If the ball crosses a goal line beside the post it is out. Who touched it last decides what happens: if the defending side put it out, it is a corner to the attackers; if the attackers put it out, it is a goal kick and the keeper takes it.

Every set piece is announced: what it is, which side has it, who is taking it and where the ball is. The taker is put next to the ball, and until they hit it nobody else can touch it.

Standing the ball up and heading it

You can stand the ball up and head it. Stand it up from the stadium menu or with /ball stand, then press F, or use /ball head. A header goes harder than a foot and has its own sound. A ball left standing comes back down on its own after five seconds, so nothing gets stuck.

Hearing who is around you

Every couple of seconds you hear a short tick from each player near you. A team mate sounds high, an opponent sounds low. Only you hear your own ticks, so the pitch does not turn into noise.

Positions

Each player can take a position: keeper, defender, midfielder, number ten or forward. Choose it from the stadium menu or with /ball position. The position does not fence you in; you can still run anywhere. What it does is line everybody up properly at kick off, keeper in goal, defenders back, forwards high, and make the team sheet mean something.

The referee

Fouls are not decided by the game. The organiser or a member of staff gives a penalty or a free kick, so a person decides, not a rule you cannot see. A penalty puts the ball on the spot and only the named taker may touch it.

What is counted

For every match: goals, assists, shots, passes, blocks, touches and own goals, for every player on both sides. An assist means you were the last team mate to touch the ball before the goal.

At full time you hear the result, the player of the match, and a report you can read again afterwards.

Your own record is kept for good: matches played, won, drawn, lost, goals, assists, shots, passes, blocks, own goals and minutes on the pitch. There is a club table too, for top scorers, most assists and most wins, and a list of every match ever finished here.

Nothing else works on the pitch

Your bag will not open, and nothing in your hands can be used, here. There are no fields, no houses and no cars at the stadium. It is football and nothing else.

Club cards and transfers

Registering a club costs a football club card, bought with points in the shop. The card is handed in when the club goes on the register, so a club has a real cost behind it.

A captain can approach a player who is already at another club. You name a fee, the player is told what has been offered and who it goes to, and only if they accept does the fee leave your pocket and go to the other club's captain. A fee of zero is a free transfer. A captain cannot be signed while they wear the armband; the armband has to be handed to somebody else first.

Going shoulder to shoulder

Walk into an opponent who has the ball at their feet and you challenge for it. Everybody nearby hears the challenge. About one time in three you come away with the ball; the rest of the time they hold you off. A keeper cannot be challenged, and there are no challenges during a set piece or a penalty.